Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
