and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize