its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
