So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
