A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
