I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
