All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
