Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
one two three fourrrrnication!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
