the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
