Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
