I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
