when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
