I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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