I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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