I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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