Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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