Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
