He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
