; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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