omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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