i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
