Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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