I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
