just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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