Well douche your snatch and let's go!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
