He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
