Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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