Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
