i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Farmville is her only friend.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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