I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
