I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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