Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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