my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
