I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
