then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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