Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
