he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
