We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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