This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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