Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
