yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
