it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize