I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
