Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
