I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
