If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
