My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
