the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
