I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
...so i touched it.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
These tits shall not be calmed
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
