tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize