I smell stomach acid.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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