Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
