i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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