you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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