my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize