All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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