standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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