I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
