when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
