so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
