i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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