Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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