You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
