Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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