Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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